THE CHRISTAIN MOTHER By John Abbot- 1833. Chapter 2: Part Nine

THE CHRISTIAN MOTHER

by John Abbott, 1833, Worcester, Mass. Published by the American Tract Society

To Begin Chapter One Go Here: The Mothers Responsibility

Chapter 2: Part Nine:

The Mother's AUTHORITY

Allowance must also be made for the ignorance of a child.

You have, perhaps, a little daughter, eighteen months old, who often amuses herself in tearing to pieces some old newspaper which you give her. It is, to her, quite an interesting experiment. Some day you happen to have your attention particularly occupied for a length of time, and at last raise your eyes, to see what keeps her so quiet upon the floor. Behold, she has a very valuable book in her hand, which she has almost entirely ruined; and your first impulse is to punish her, or, at least, severely to reprove her for the injury.
But has she really been doing any thing deserving of punishment or censure? Certainly not. How can she know that it is proper for her to tear one piece of paper, but wrong for her to tear another? She has been as innocently employed as she ever was in her life.
The only proper thing to be done, in such a case, is to endeavor to teach the child that a book must be handled with care, and must not be torn. But how can she be taught this without punishing her? She may be taught by the serious tone of your voice, and the sad expression of your countenance, that she has been doing something which you regret. In this way she may be easily taught the difference between a book and a newspaper.

A little boy, about two years old, was in the habit of amusing himself by scribbling upon paper with a pencil. The father came into the room one day, and found that the little fellow had exceedingly defaced a new book. The marks of his pencil were all over it. Perfectly unconscious of the mischief he was doing, the child continued his employment as the father entered. In many cases, the parent, in irritation, would have roughly taken the book away, and inflicted a severe blow upon the cheek of the child. I thought I perceived that this was the first emotion in the mind of this parent, though he was of an unusually calm and collected spirit. If it was, however, he immediately saw its impropriety; for, approaching his child, he said, in a perfectly mild and pleasant tone, "O! my son, my son, you are spoiling the book."
The child looked up in amazement.
"That is a book, my son; you must not scribble upon that. See here," turning over the leaves, "you will spoil father's book. Here is some paper for you. You may write upon this, but you never must write in the book."
The father then took the book, injured as it was, and laid it aside, without any exhibition of excited feeling. Now, how manifestly is this the proper course to pursue, in such a case; and yet how few children are there who, in such circumstances, would have escaped undeserved punishment.

These illustrations are sufficient to show the importance of making allowance for ignorance, and for accidents. And they also show how frequently children suffer, when they are not to blame. If a child is punished when innocent, as well as when guilty, the distinction between right and wrong is obliterated from his mind. Hence it becomes an important rule in family government—never to punish when the child has not intentionally done wrong.

3. Never think that your child is too young to obey.
We are ingenious in framing excuses for neglecting our duty with our children.
At one time they are too young—at another time they are too sick.
Some parents always find an excuse, of one kind or another, for letting their children have their own way.
A child may, at a very early age, be taught obedience. We can easily teach a kitten, or a little dog, that it must not touch the meat which is placed before the fire, that it must leave the room when bidden, and a thousand other acts of ready obedience.

A Frenchman has recently collected a large number of canary birds for a show. He has taught them such implicit obedience to his voice, as to march them in platoons across the room, and directs them to the ready performance of many simple maneuvers.

Now, can it be admitted that a child, fifteen months or two years of age, is inferior in understanding to a canary bird? And must the excuse be made for such a child, that he does not know enough to be taught obedience?

A very judicious mother, who has brought up a large family of children, all of whom are now in situations of respectability and usefulness, remarked that it was her practice to obey her children for the first year of their life—but ever after she expected them to obey her.
She, of course, did not mean by this remark, that the moment the child was one year of age, a sudden and total change took place in her management.
During the early months of its infancy she considered it to be her duty to do every thing in her power to make the child comfortable and happy. She would endeavor to anticipate all its needs. She would be obedient to the wishes of the child. But, by the time the child was one year of age, she considered it old enough to be brought under the salutary regulations of a well disciplined family.

I am aware that many parents will say that this is altogether too early a period to commence the government of a child, and others equally numerous, perhaps, will say that it is too late; that a beginning should be made at a much earlier period.
In fact, the principle which really ought to guide in such a case, is this—that the authority of the mother ought to be established over the child as soon as it is able to understand a command or prohibition expressed by looks and gestures.
This is at a much earlier period than most parents imagine. Let the mother who doubts it try the experiment, and see how easily she can teach her child that he must not touch the tongs or andirons; or that, when sitting in her lap at table, he must not touch the cups and saucers.
A child may be taught obedience in such things then, as well as at any period of its life.
And how much trouble does a mother save herself, by having her child thus early taught to obey! How much pain and sorrow does she save her child by accustoming it, in its most tender years, to habits of prompt obedience.

4. Guard against too much severity. By pursuing a steady course of efficient government, severity will very seldom be found necessary. If, when punishment is inflicted, it is done with composure and with solemnity, occasions for punishment will be very infrequent.

Let a mother ever be affectionate and mild with her children. Let her sympathize with them in their little sports. Let her gain their confidence by her assiduous efforts to make them happy. And let her feel, when they have done wrong, not irritated, but sad; and punish them in sorrow, but not in anger.
Fear is a useful and a necessary principle in family government. God makes use of it in governing his creatures. But it is ruinous to the disposition of a child, exclusively to control him by this motive.

How unhappy must be that family where the parent always sits with a face deformed with scowls, and where the voice is always uttered in tones of severity and command! Such parents we do see. Their children fear them. They are always under restraint in their presence; and home becomes to them an irksome prison, instead of the happy retreat of peace and joy.

But where the mother greets her children with smiles; and rewards their efforts to please her, with caresses; and addresses them in tones of mildness and affection, she is touching those chords in the human heart which vibrate in sweet harmony; she is calling into action the noblest and the loveliest principles of our nature. And thus does she prepare the way for every painful act of discipline to come with effectual power upon the heart. The children know that she does not love to punish. In all cases in which it can be done, children should thus be governed by kindness.

But when kindness fails, and disobedience ensues, let not the mother hesitate for a moment to fall back upon her last resort, and punish as severely as is necessary. A few such cases will teach almost any child how much better it is to be obedient—than disobedient.
By being thus consistent and decided in government, and commencing with the infancy of each child, in all ordinary cases great severity may be avoided.

And it is never proper for a parent to be harsh, and unfeeling, and forbidding, in her dealings with her children. The most efficient family government may be almost entirely administered by affection, if it be distinctly understood that disobedience cannot pass unpunished.

I cannot but pity those unhappy children who dare not come to their parents in confidence and love; who are continually fearing stern looks and harsh words; and who are consequently ever desirous to get away from home, that they may enjoy themselves.
Every effort should be made to make home the most desirable place; to gather around it associations of delight; and thus to form in the mind of your child an attachment for peaceful and purifying enjoyments.
This will most strongly fortify his mind against vice. And when he leaves the paternal roof, he will ever look back with fond recollections to its joys, and with gratitude to those who made it the abode of so much happiness.
In future years, too, when your children become the heads of families, they will transmit to their children the principles which you have implanted. Thus may the influence of your instructions extend to thousands yet unborn.

How little do we think of the tremendous responsibilities which are resting upon us; and of the wide influence, either for good or for evil, which we are exerting!

We are setting in operation a train of causes which will trickle down through all coming time.

Long after we have gone to our eternal home, our words and our actions will be aiding in the formation of character. We cannot then stop the causes which our lives have set in progress, and they will go on elevating immortals to virtue and to heaven—or urging them onward in passion, and sin, and woe!

Continue to Chapter 3: The Mother's DIFFICULTIES

THE CHRISTIAN MOTHER- by John Abbott, 1833, Chapter Two: The Mothers Authority: Part One

THE CHRISTIAN MOTHER

by John Abbott, 1833, Worcester, Mass. Published by the American Tract Society

To start with Chapter One click here: The Mothers Responsibility

Chapter 2: part One

The Mother's AUTHORITY

I have thus endeavored to show the mother how much her happiness is dependent upon the good or bad character of her children. Your own reflections and observation have, doubtless, impressed this subject most deeply upon your heart. The question has probably often presented itself to your mind, while reading the previous chapter, "How shall I govern my children, so as to secure their virtue and happiness?" This question I shall now endeavor to answer.

OBEDIENCE is absolutely essential to proper family government. Without this, all other efforts will be in vain. You may pray with, and for your children; you may strive to instruct them in religious truth; you may be unwearied in your efforts to make them happy, and to gain their affection. But if they are in habits of disobedience, your instructions will be lost, and your toil in vain. And by obedience, I do not mean languid and dilatory yielding to repeated threats—but prompt and cheerful acquiescence in parental commands. Neither is it enough that a child should yield to your arguments and persuasions. It is essential that he should submit to your authority.

I will suppose a case in illustration of this last remark. Your little daughter is sick; you go to her with the medicine which has been prescribed for her, and the following dialogue ensues.

"Here, my daughter, is some medicine for you."
"I don't want to take it, mamma."
"Yes, my dear, do take it, for it will make you feel better."
"No it won't, mother; I don't want it."
"Yes it will, my child; the doctor says it will."
"Well, it doesn't taste good, and I don't want it."

The mother continues her persuasions, and the child persists in its refusal. After a long and wearisome conflict, the mother is compelled either to throw the medicine away, or to resort to compulsion, and force down the unpalatable drug. Thus, instead of appealing to her own supreme authority, she is appealing to the reason of the child, and, under these circumstances, the child of course refuses to submit.

A mother, not long since, under similar circumstances, not being able to persuade her child to take the medicine, and not having sufficient resolution to compel it, threw the medicine away. When the physician next called, she was ashamed to acknowledge her lack of government, and therefore did not tell him that the medicine had not been given. The physician finding the child worse, left another prescription, supposing the previous one had been properly administered. But the child had no idea of being convinced of the propriety of taking the bitter dose, and the renewed efforts of the mother were unavailing. Again the fond and foolish—but cruel parent—threw the medicine away, and the fever was left to rage unchecked in its veins. Again the physician called, and was surprised to find the inefficacy of his prescriptions, and that the poor little sufferer was at the verge of death. The mother, when informed that her child must die, was in an agony, and confessed what she had done. But it was too late. The child died. And do
you think that mother gazed upon its pale corpse with any common emotions of anguish? Do you think the idea never entered her mind that she was the destroyer of her child? Physicians will tell you that many children have been thus lost. Unaccustomed to obedience when well, they were still more averse to it when sick. The efforts which are made to induce a stubborn child to take medicine, often produce such an excitement as entirely to counteract the effect of the prescription; and thus is a mother often called to weep over the grave of her child, simply because she has not taught that child to obey.

It is certainly the duty of parents to convince their children of the reasonableness and propriety of their requirements. This should be done to instruct them, and to make them acquainted with moral obligation. But there should always be authority sufficient to enforce prompt obedience, whether the child can see the reason of the requirement or not. Indeed, it is impossible to govern a child by mere argument. Many cases must occur, in which it will be incapable of seeing the reasonableness of the command; and often its wishes will be so strongly opposed to duty, that all the efforts to convince will be in vain.

The first thing therefore to be aimed at, is to bring your child under total subjection. Teach him that he must obey you. Sometimes give him your reasons; again withhold them. But let him perfectly understand that he is to do as he is bid. Accustom him to immediate and cheerful acquiescence in your will. This is obedience. And this is absolutely essential to good family government. Without this, your family will present one continued scene of noise and confusion; the toil of rearing up your children will be almost intolerable, and, in all probability, your heart will be broken by their future licentiousness or ingratitude.

Continue to: Chapter 2: Part two

Mothers, Are We Preachers At Home?

Be A Preacher At Home Dear godly Mothers, Our Children Will Benefit Greatly!

Yesterday, June 30, 2009, I was with my 21 year old daughter, sitting in the parked car while we waited for my son to finish his piano lesson. We had decided to wait at the park and read the Bible out-loud to each other since we are learning the power of the spoken Word of God.
While sitting we observed 3 boys who had just arrived at the park, they must have been about 13, 12 and 11 years of age. It was a wet and soggy day so the park was empty, except for the boys. Leah was reading to me and I watched those boys as they balanced and ran on a large fountain rim, then pulled out some picnic tables and jumped on them. As I watched I heard a "still small voice" say, "go talk to them about me".. I mused.. "ummm what, ummm really?" "Go talk to them about me, it will effect them for their entire lives." I looked at Leah and told her that God the Lord just told me to go give those boys the gospel, "so let's pray"... I felt ashamed for being so slow to obey, and got out of the car, with Bible in hand walked over to them.

"Hi there! Hey have you got ten minutes to talk about something?" The oldest boy, who had pierced rings on either side of his lower lip asked,"What about?", (I answer)......."The Bible." He jerked back as if hit, "No! I don't believe in God."........ "Don't believe in God? How can this be? just look at the grass and trees, nature and all He has created, How can you not believe in Him?" The youngest boy wanting to please the older chimed in that he didn't believe either. Eric, who must be about 12 yrs. took the gospel tract that the others refused and stood still with interest in what I had to say, so I began to show him scriptures in the Bible. Genesis and John is where God lead me and explained about creation and how God made man from the dust of the earth, also about sin and what Jesus did for us on the cross. Eric admitted his sin and I asked him what he has done about that sin, since God cannot have sin in heaven nor can He look upon sin. I pointed him to Jesus on the cross and His sacrifice, taking our sin upon himself, becoming sin for us and about his need to believe in Jesus and repent of his sin. I told him that Jesus Christ is God and that He arose from the dead and is alive forever more. During the whole time I was talking to Eric the other two boys tried all they could to interrupt me. They kept pulling on Eric and trying to get him to leave saying, "Why listen to her, you have better things to do with your time." I asked them, "Why do you hate God? Why don't you want to listen to the Bible, are you afraid to hear God's Word?" They were both very nervous when I read the Bible to Eric, the youngest ran over to me, grabbed my Bible and tried to pull it out of my hands, but God had given me a good grip on it and he couldn't, I said, "Young sir, this is my Bible." I asked him what he would do with it? he answered, "I'd burn it." The older boy took the tract away from Eric and pretended to rip it apart. I gave Eric another tract and told him to put it in his pocket right away or they would take that too, and he listened to me. The two boys took up pine cones and threw them at me trying to stop me from talking. I encouraged him to read the tract and look up the scriptures from it in his Bible and pray for God to show him the truth. Eric thanked me for talking to him, and I left. (Please pray for this child and the other boys.)

Mothers! With great earnestness, teach your children the Word of God! Eric was different than the other two boys... why? I don't know the answer, but here is a clue, he told me he had a Bible at home and had heard something about God, he knew a little bit about what I told him. The other two boys made me think of two demons running around trying to keep Eric from learning about God, (Leah, who was watching, praying, and reading the Bible out-loud in the car) told me that they looked like two demons to her.

This whole affair sobers* me so much! We as mothers must be keepers at home and preachers at home... love Jesus Christ the Lord, learn about Him, draw close to Him, obey, reverence, fear and honor Him, He is God, Creator of heaven and earth! *As we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. We will be more like Jesus, He will lead us in the way we should go! *Our children will benefit as we seek God, they will learn to do the same as we set the example in our words and living till our very lives are "preachers at home". Let us be sober! The lives of our children are at stake.. Who will they be like?

*Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. (1 Peter 5:8-10)

*Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye doubleminded. (James 4:8)

*and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thy hand, and they shall be for frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the door-posts of thy house, and upon thy gates.
(Deuteronomy 6:7-9)