THE CHRISTIAN MOTHER By John Abbot- 1833, Chapter 7: Conclusion: Results

The Christian Mother

Results

by John Abbott, 1833, Worcester, Mass. Published by the American Tract Society

Read Chapter 1 : The Mothers Responsibility

Read Chapter 2 : The Mothers Authority

Read Chapter 3 : The Mother's DIFFICULTIES:

Read Chapter 4: FAULTS and ERRORS:

Read Chapter 5 : RELIGIOUS INSTRUCTION

Read Chapter 6: FRUITS OF PIETY


Chapter 7: Results

Frequent allusion has been made in the preceding chapters, to the fatal consequences which must attend the neglect of duty. In view of this, some parents may have been oppressed and dejected. It is most surely true that the misconduct of children, subjects the parents to the utmost intensity of suffering. But it must be remembered, that when parental faithfulness is attended with its usual blessing—joys, nearer akin to those of heaven than of earth, are the result.
The human heart is not susceptible of more exquisite pleasures than the parental relation affords. Is there no joy when the mother first presses her infant to her heart? Is there no delight in witnessing the first placid smile which plays upon its cheek? Yes! The very earliest infancy of the babe brings "rapture a mother only knows!" The very care is a delight. And when your little son has passed through the dreamy existence of infancy—and is buoyant with the activity, and animated with the intelligence of childhood—are not new sources of pleasure opened to your mind? Are there no thrilling emotions of enjoyment in hearing the hearty laugh of your happy boy—in witnessing the unfoldings of his active mind—in feeling his warm kiss and ardent embrace? Is there no delight in seeing your boy run to meet you, with his face full of smiles and his heart full of love—and in hearing him, in lisping accents, call you mother?

As you receive daily new proofs of his affection and obedience—and see that his little bosom is animated with a generous and a noble spirit—you feel repaid a hundred fold for all your efforts, troubles and toils. After a few years your children arrive at maturity, and with that divine blessing which we may expect to accompany our prayerful efforts—they will be found with generous affections and established principles of piety. With what emotions do parents then look around upon their happy and prosperous family! They are receiving the earthly recompense of reward. What an affecting sight it is, to see an aged and widowed mother leaning upon the firm arm of her son, as he accompanies her to the house of God! And how many parents have had their declining years cheered by the affectionate attentions of a daughter! Who will so tenderly watch over you in sickness as a daughter—whose bosom is animated by the principles of piety which you have inculcated?

Among the sweetest earthly joys to be experienced in old age—is the joy of looking around upon happy and grateful children. The marks of esteem and love you receive from them, will daily be rewarding you for all your toil. And when your children's children cluster around you, giving unceasing tokens of respect and affection—you will find in their caresses the renewal of your youth. When all other earthly joys have faded—you will find in the little prattlers of the fireside untiring enjoyment!

But there is a scene of still brighter happiness. The Christian family will meet again! Parents and children will be associated in heaven! And when the whole household are happily assembled there—when they sit down together in the green pastures and by the still waters—when they go in and out at the mansions which God has prepared for them—then, and not until then, will they experience the fullness of the enjoyment with which God rewards parental faithfulness!
How full of rapture is the thought—that the whole family may meet again in the world of songs and everlasting joy—where sorrow and sighing shall forever flee away! As from that happy state of existence you look back upon your pilgrimage on earth, you can never regret—any amount of labor you have expended—any sacrifices you have made—any sufferings you have undergone—to train up your children to be with you the heirs of a glorious immortality. O there is enough, abundantly enough—to encourage every parent to unwearied exertions! As with the deep emotions of parental love, you look upon the obedient and affectionate children who surround your fireside—your thoughts may be carried away to enjoyments infinitely richer, and forever enduring, in the world to come!

We may be called upon to follow our children to the grave. And heart- rending is such an affliction. But if we have reason to believe that they have gone to the mansions which the Savior has prepared—much of the bitterness of the affliction is taken away. They have gone home before us! They are sheltered from every storm! They are protected from every sorrow! Soaring in angelic flights—and animated with celestial joys—they are ready to welcome us when God in his own good time shall give us entrance to those happy worlds!
A gentleman was once asked if he had lost any of his children. "No," he replied, "I have two in heaven—but have lost none." To a truly Christian family, the death of any one of its members is but a temporary absence—and not an eternal separation.

1. Mothers have as powerful an influence over the welfare of future generations—as all other earthly causes combined.
Thus far the history of the world has been composed of the narrations of oppression and blood. War has scattered its unnumbered woes. The cry of the oppressed has unceasingly ascended to heaven. Where are we to look for the influence which shall change this scene—and fill the earth with the fruits of peace and benevolence? It is to the power of divine truth, to Christianity—as taught from a mother's lips! In a vast majority of cases the first six or seven years decide the character of the man.
If the boy leaves the paternal roof uncontrolled, turbulent and vicious—he will, in all probability, rush on in the mad career of self-indulgence. There are exceptions—but these exceptions are rare. If, on the other hand, your son goes from home accustomed to control himself—he will probably retain that habit through life. If he has been taught to make sacrifices of his own enjoyment that he may promote the happiness of those around him, it may be expected that he will continue to practice benevolence, and consequently will be respected, and useful, and happy. If he has adopted firm resolutions to be faithful in all the relations in life, he, in all probability, will be a virtuous man and an estimable citizen, and a benefactor of his race.
When our land is filled with pious mothers—then will it be filled with virtuous men! The world's redeeming influence, under the blessing of the Holy Spirit, must come from a mother's lips. She who was first in the transgression, must be yet the principal earthly instrument in the restoration. Other causes may greatly aid. Other influences must be ready to receive the mind as it comes from the mother's hand—and carry it onward in its improvement. But the mothers of our race must be the chief instruments in its redemption. This sentiment will bear examining, and the more it is examined, the more manifestly true will it appear. It is alike the dictate of philosophy and experience. The mother who is neglecting personal effort, and relying upon other influences for the formation of virtuous character in her children, will find, when it is too late—that she has fatally erred. The parent who hopes that schools and education, and the general diffusion of knowledge—will promote the good order and happiness of the community, while family government is neglected—will find that he is attempting to purify the streams which are flowing from a corrupt fountain!

It is maternal influence, after all, which must be the great agent—in the hands of God—in bringing back our guilty race to duty and happiness. O that mothers could feel this responsibility as they ought! Then would the world assume a different aspect. Then would we less frequently behold unhappy families and broken-hearted parents. A new race of men would enter upon the busy scene of life—and cruelty and crime would pass away!

O mothers! Reflect upon the power your Maker has placed in your hands! There is no earthly influence to be compared with yours. There is no combination of causes so powerful in promoting the happiness—or the misery—of our race—as the instructions of home! In a most peculiar sense God has constituted you the guardians and the controllers of the human family.

2. Perhaps someone asks, "Is there nothing for FATHERS to do?" There certainly is much—very much. But this treatise is prepared to impress upon the mind the duties of mothers. Yet, lest it should be inferred from what has been written, that the whole duty of family government rests upon the mother, I would briefly remark—that no father can be excusable for releasing himself from a full share of the responsibility. A father will often make many excuses to release himself from his duty, but alas! he cannot release his children from the ruin—or himself from the woe—which his neglect occasions. It will be a poor solace to him, as he goes in shame and sorrow to the grave—to reflect that he was busily engaged in other employments while leaving his children to develop for ignominy and disgrace! What duties can be paramount to those we owe our children?

A clergyman sometimes says he has so much to do, his time is so fully occupied, that he is compelled to neglect his children. And who has the first claim upon his attention—his congregation or his children? God has placed him over a congregation, and has also made him the father of a family—and which duty does God regard as most imperative? And yet not a few instances might be pointed out, in which clergymen of devoted piety and extensive usefulness, have given their whole attention to the labors of the study and public duties—and have left their unhappy children to grow up unchecked and vicious! No one can enjoy the privilege of being a father—without having duties to perform which will require time and care.
And can any time be more usefully employed than that which is passed in training up a family of children—who shall remain to do good in the world long after we are silent in the grave?
Can we have any influence equal to that of pious sons and daughters? Can we bequeath the world a richer legacy—than the fervent piety and active usefulness of our children? O there is no sin which reaches so far, and extends such wide-spreading desolation—as parental neglect! No father can be guiltless in retiring from these responsibilities. The first duty enjoined upon us, is to keep our own hearts with diligence—the second, to lead our families to God—the third, to consult for the spiritual welfare of our neighbors—the fourth, to do all in our power to evangelize the world.
And yet how many Christian ministers have paralyzed their influence, destroyed their peace of mind, and broken their hearts—by neglecting the duties they owe their children!

Many of the most eminent statesmen are thus afflicted and dishonored. And the affliction must be aggravated by the consciousness that they are reaping as they have sown! I would not willingly inflict a pang upon the heart of any parent who reads these pages, but I cannot refrain from raising a warning voice, in a view of the destruction which has gone forth, and is still going forth, from the cause we are now contemplating. The temptation is very great, for men who are engaged in literary pursuits, and overwhelmed with public cares, to neglect their domestic duties. But how ruinous is this to usefulness and happiness! It is better to be a poor man, and it is better to be a humble man—than to be disgraced in life by the profligacy of those who call us father—and to have a dying pillow planted with thorns by our children's hands! Every man, whatever be his situation in life, is bound to regard the duties he owes his children as among the most sacred he has to discharge. If he neglects them, he must reap the bitter consequences.
One other remark I must here make, as it is intimately connected with a mother's duty.

A father should always endeavor to teach his children to honor their mother. If the father does not do this, the difficulties of the mother will be vastly increased. But where harmony of design is seen to exist between the parents, authority is strengthened. There is something in loving and revering a mother, which exerts a delightful influence upon the heart—it refines and elevates the character—and is a strong safeguard against degrading vice. Boys in particular will not long respect a mother, if they see that their father does not treat her with kindness. You can hardly find a dissolute young man, who has been accustomed from infancy to look to his mother with respect and love. It is in disobedience to a mother that the career of crime generally commences. The way is thus prepared for the disregard of all parental authority. And then the progress is rapid to the boldest defiance of all the laws of God and man. Many an unhappy criminal has, from the gallows, traced back his course of guilt to the early periods of childhood, when he commenced with disobedience to a mother's commands—and he has felt and acknowledged that, had he then been habituated to obey, his whole following course of life had probably been different. It is therefore of the first importance that nothing should be omitted tending to give the mother great and unceasing influence over the minds of her children.

3. The subject of EDUCATION must be attended to with persevering study. And yet how many parents neglect this duty! Nothing surely can be of greater importance to the parents and child—than a correct system of family government. Every mother admits her need of information. There are many valuable books, easy of access, which will afford great assistance. A mother should consider it one of her first duties to inform herself upon this subject, as far as her means will admit.
The art of influencing and guiding the youthful mind is susceptible of almost boundless improvement, and we are unfaithful to our children if we do not become familiar with the results of the experiments of others. We ought not to stumble in darkness, when light is shining around us. There are fundamental principles in operating upon the human mind, as well as in any other science. And many an anxious mother has committed error to the serious injury of her children, which she might have avoided, had she consulted the sources of information which are at every one's hand.
How great must be the affliction of that mother, who, in consequence of neglect, has been unsuccessful with her family! She looks upon her ruined sons, and reproaches herself with the just reflection, that if she had pursued a different course, they might have been her joy and blessing. Perhaps even they throw reproaches upon her, and attribute all their guilt and wretchedness to her bad parenting. Few more miserable men have passed through the world than Lord Byron; and he had distinctly attributed the formation of his character, and consequently all his crime and woe, to his mother's unrestrained passions, and neglect of proper government.
How must such an incrimination from a dissolute son, pierce the heart of a pious mother! Knowledge of duty might have been attained, but she neglected to attain it, and through inexcusable ignorance ruined her child. An affectionate mother would be overwhelmed with anguish, if she had ignorantly administered some poisonous drug, and had seen her child in consequence expiring in agony. But how much more dreadful is it to see moral ruin caused by our own criminal ignorance! Who would not rather see a son or a daughter lie down in the grave—than see them in the wretchedness and disgrace of profligacy!
"Be an example . . . in speech, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

This ends the book of, "The Christan Mother" By John Abbot.

THE CHRISTAIN MOTHER By John Abbot- 1833,. Chapter 2 : Part Seven

THE CHRISTIAN MOTHER

by John Abbott, 1833, Worcester, Mass. Published by the American Tract Society

To Begin with Chapter One Go Here: The Mothers Responsibility

Chapter 2: Part Seven:

The Mother's AUTHORITY

Let it be particularly understood, however, that all we here inculcate is firmness in the discharge of parental duty, in those cases where such collisions between parents and children are unavoidable. They can, however, in most cases, be avoided. If, for instance, a child disobeys you, you can simply punish it for the act of disobedience, and there let the difficulty end.

It is not necessary that you should always require that the thing at first commanded should be done. You direct a little girl to give a book to her sister. She refuses; and you may take two distinct courses to maintain your violated authority. You may go and take the book yourself and give it to the sister, and then inflict such a punishment upon the disobedient one as the offence deserves. Or, you may insist upon obedience; and to enforce it, enter upon a contest which may be long and painful.
Now, whichever of these plans you adopt, be firm and decided in the execution of it. The former is, however, in almost all cases, the wisest and best.

In the above remarks allusion has been made to the variations of feeling to which children are subject. No one, who has had any thing to do with education, can have failed to observe this. Almost every individual is conscious of seasons when he seems to be afflicted with a kind of morbid sensitiveness.
Our spirits often rise and fall with bodily health; and he has gained a great victory over his body, and a great triumph of mind, who can invariably preserve the same calm and cheerful spirit, undisturbed by harassing cares, or the irritations of a diseased frame. The nervous system of some individuals is so delicately constructed, that an east wind, or a damp day, will completely unhinge the mind.
When we see some of the wisest and best of men oppressed with these infirmities, we must learn forbearance and sympathy with children. At such times, a judicious mother, knowing that the irritability is as much a bodily as a mental infirmity, will do all in her power to calm and soothe. She will avoid every thing calculated to jar the feelings, and will endeavor, by mild amusements or repose, to lull these feelings asleep. By this method she will save the child much unhappiness, and will promote an amiable and sweet disposition.
Probably many children have had their feelings permanently soured by utter disregard of these variations of mind. The disposition of a child is of too delicate a texture to be handled with a rough and careless grasp. Its affectionate and gentle feelings should be elicited by maternal sympathy and love. And we should endeavor to assuage its occasional irritability, by calling away the mind from objects of unpleasant excitement, and alluring it to cheering contemplations.

It is clear that there is a striking difference in the natural dispositions of children; but nothing can be more evident than that a good disposition may be soured by mismanagement—and that a child of naturally unamiable feelings may, by judicious culture, become mild and lovely.
The cultivation of the disposition is an important part of education. Hence the necessity of studying the moods and the feelings of the child, and of varying the discipline to meet these changes.
Cases will undoubtedly arise, when the parent will find it difficult to judge what is duty. Such cases will, however, be infrequent. The obvious general policy is, when a child is in this excited state, to remove him as much as possible from the power of temptation. And if he commits a fault which it is necessary to notice, let the punishment be of such a kind as is calculated to soothe him. For instance, give him a comfortable seat by the fire, and tell him that he must not leave the chair for half an hour. Place in his hand some pleasing book, or some plaything which will amuse him. In this way let the punishment be adapted to the peculiarity of the moral disorder.

This is not the mockery of punishment which it may seem. The child feels it to be real, and it is of a nature to operate beneficially. Some faults, however, he may commit, which, under the circumstances of the case, it may be inexpedient to notice. He may speak peevishly to his sister. The mother does not appear to notice it; she, however, sees the importance of immediately allaying this peevish spirit, and she endeavors to plan some amusement which will promote good humor. Perhaps she lays down her work and joins the children in their amusements, till, through her happy influence, cheerfulness and good humor are restored.

"Here, my son," perhaps she says, "I would like to have you take your slate, and sit down in your chair, and see if you can draw some animal so correctly that I can tell what it is. And Maria, you may take your slate and chair, and sit by his side, and do the same."

The children are quite animated with their new play. They are soon busily at work, and whispering together, that their mother may not hear what animals they are drawing.
By this simple artifice, the little cloud of irritated feeling which was rising, is entirely dispelled.
Had the mother, on the other hand, punished the child for the incidental peevishness of remark, the mind would not have been so speedily or so pleasantly brought into its desired state. Or, had the mother taken no notice of the occurrence, the disposition of the child would have been injured by the allowed increase of the ill-humor, and, in all probability, a quarrel might soon have ensued.

Constant watchfulness, on the part of the mother, will soon enable her to foresee many dangers, and prevent many difficulties.

Continue Chapter 2: Part Eight

THE CHRISTAIN MOTHER By John Abbot- 1833. Chapter 2: Part Five

THE CHRISTIAN MOTHER

by John Abbott, 1833, Worcester, Mass. Published by the American Tract Society

Read Chapter One Here: The Mothers Responsibility

Chapter 2: Part Five

The Mother's AUTHORITY

Upon the subject of obedience there are a few other suggestions of importance to be made.

1. First then, there is a very great diversity in the natural dispositions of children. Some are very tender in their feelings, and easily governed by affection. Others are naturally independent and self-willed. Sometimes a child gets its passions excited and its will determined, and it cannot be subdued but by a very great effort.
Almost every faithful mother is acquainted with such contests, and she knows that they often form a crisis in the character of the child. If the child then obtains the victory, it is almost impossible for the mother afterward to regain her authority. The child feels that he is the victor, and his mother the vanquished; and it is with very great difficulty that he will be compelled to renounce his independence.

If, on the other hand, the mother conquers, and the child is subdued, he feels that the question is settled, and he has but little disposition to resume hostilities with one who has proved herself superior.
I have known many such contests, severe and protracted, which were exceedingly painful to a parent's feelings. But, when once entered upon, they must be continued till the child is subdued. It is not safe, on any account, for the parent to give up and retire vanquished.

The following instance of such a contest occurred a few years since.
A gentleman, sitting by his fireside one evening, with his family around him, took the spelling-book and called upon one of his little sons to come and read. John was about four years old. He knew all the letters of the alphabet perfectly, but happened at that moment to be in rather a sullen mood, and was not at all disposed to gratify his father. Very reluctantly he came as he was bid, but when his father pointed to the first letter of the alphabet, and said, "What letter is that, John?" he could get no answer. John looked upon the book, sulky and silent.

"My son," said the father, in a serious and decided tone. "What letter is that?"
John refused to answer. The contest was now fairly commenced. John was willful, and determined that he would not read. His father knew that it would be ruinous to his son to allow him to conquer. He felt that he must, at all hazards, subdue him. He took him into another room, and punished him. He then returned, and again showed John the letter. But John still refused to name it. The father again retired with his son, and punished him more severely. But it was unavailing; the stubborn child still refused to name the letter. Again the father inflicted punishment as severely as he dared to do it, and still the child, with his whole frame in agitation, refused to yield. The father was suffering from the most intense concern. He regretted exceedingly that he had been drawn into the contest. He had already punished his child with a severity which he feared to exceed. And yet the willful sufferer stood before him, sobbing and trembling, but apparently as unyielding as a rock.

I have often heard that parent mention the acuteness of his feelings at that moment. His heart was bleeding at the pain which he had been compelled to inflict upon his son. He knew that the question was now to be settled—who should be master! And after his son had withstood so long and so much, he greatly feared the result. The mother sat by, suffering, of course, most acutely, but perfectly satisfied that it was their duty to subdue the child, and that in such a trying hour a mother's feelings must not interfere. With a heavy heart the father again took the hand of his son to lead him out of the room for farther punishment. But, to his inconceivable joy, the child shrunk from enduring any more suffering, and cried, "Father, I'll say the letter." The father, with feelings not easily conceived, took the book and pointed to the letter.

"A," said John, distinctly and fully.
"And what is that?" said the father, pointing to the next letter.
"B," said John.
"And what is that?"
"C," he continued.
"And what is that?" pointing again to the first letter.
"A," said the now humbled child.
"Now carry the book to your mother, and tell her what the letter is."
"What letter is that, my son?" said the mother.
"A," said John.
He was evidently perfectly subdued. The rest of the children were sitting by, and they saw the contest, and they saw where was the victory. And John learnt a lesson which he never forgot—that his father had an arm too strong for him. He learned never again to wage such an unequal warfare. He learnt that it was the safest and happiest course for him to obey!

But perhaps some one says it was cruel to punish the child so severely. Cruel! It was mercy and love. It would indeed have been cruel had the father, in that hour, been unfaithful, and shrunk from his painful duty. The passions he was then, with so much self-sacrifice, striving to subdue, if left unchecked, would, in all probability, have been a curse to their possessor, and have made him a curse to his friends.
It is by no means improbable that upon the decisions of that hour depended the character and happiness of that child for life—and even for eternity. It is far from improbable that, had he then conquered, all future efforts to subdue him would have been in vain, and that he would have broken away from all restraint, and have been miserable in life, and lost in death! Cruelty! May the Lord preserve children from the indulgence of those who so regard such self-denying kindness.

It is always best, if possible, to avoid such collisions. Many children are taught implicit obedience, without ever entering into such a contest with their parents. And it is certainly preferable to govern a child by the mild procedure of ordinary discipline, rather than enter into such a formidable conflict, where great severity is often required. Wisdom, therefore, teaches us to guard against giving a child an opportunity of summoning all its energies to disobey.
There are peculiar occasions, and peculiar moods of mind, which generally elicit this strength of rebellious feeling. A little foresight will often enable us, without surrender of authority, to calm the rising feeling, instead of exciting it to its utmost strength.
We may sometimes, by judicious management, check the rebellion in its first appearance—before it has gained sufficient strength to call all our power into exercise to put it down!

Continue to Chapter 2: Part Six

Obstinate Youth

A fool despiseth his father's instruction, but he that regardeth reproof is prudent. --Proverbs 15:5

Alas! we cannot wonder at this folly. Remember the birth of the fool, "as a wild ass's colt" (Job 11:12), despising discipline and restraint. Yet subjection to parents is the law of nature, recognized by the most uncivilized nations. Much more is it the law of God. The authority of parents is the authority of God. 'The wayward resistance of the ungodly will be fearfully scourged.' (1 Sam. 2:22-25.) And even the Christian penitent has felt the smart of the rod to the end of life. If example would put this folly to shame, do we not read of the One child, able to teach, yea to command, his parents, who yet exhibited the lovely pattern of filial subjection? But pride must be broken down, and the "clothing of humility" worn (1 Pet. 5:5), before the child will see that his parents know better than himself, and that to count their word law--to "bear the yoke in his youth" (Lam. 3:27),--and to regard reproof, is the path of prudence (Proverbs 15:31-32; 19:20), no less than of honour. (Proverbs 13:18.) Solomon's wisdom, though the special gift of God, was doubtless connected with his filial regard to his father's instruction. (1 Chron. 22:11-13; 28:9,20.) Will those, who despise their earthly father's instruction, listen to their Heavenly Father? How surely therefore will this untractable spirit exclude from the Kingdom of God!

-- Charles Bridges, Proverbs, 1846