THE CHRISTAIN MOTHER By John Abbot- 1833,. Chapter 2 : Part Seven

THE CHRISTIAN MOTHER

by John Abbott, 1833, Worcester, Mass. Published by the American Tract Society

To Begin with Chapter One Go Here: The Mothers Responsibility

Chapter 2: Part Seven:

The Mother's AUTHORITY

Let it be particularly understood, however, that all we here inculcate is firmness in the discharge of parental duty, in those cases where such collisions between parents and children are unavoidable. They can, however, in most cases, be avoided. If, for instance, a child disobeys you, you can simply punish it for the act of disobedience, and there let the difficulty end.

It is not necessary that you should always require that the thing at first commanded should be done. You direct a little girl to give a book to her sister. She refuses; and you may take two distinct courses to maintain your violated authority. You may go and take the book yourself and give it to the sister, and then inflict such a punishment upon the disobedient one as the offence deserves. Or, you may insist upon obedience; and to enforce it, enter upon a contest which may be long and painful.
Now, whichever of these plans you adopt, be firm and decided in the execution of it. The former is, however, in almost all cases, the wisest and best.

In the above remarks allusion has been made to the variations of feeling to which children are subject. No one, who has had any thing to do with education, can have failed to observe this. Almost every individual is conscious of seasons when he seems to be afflicted with a kind of morbid sensitiveness.
Our spirits often rise and fall with bodily health; and he has gained a great victory over his body, and a great triumph of mind, who can invariably preserve the same calm and cheerful spirit, undisturbed by harassing cares, or the irritations of a diseased frame. The nervous system of some individuals is so delicately constructed, that an east wind, or a damp day, will completely unhinge the mind.
When we see some of the wisest and best of men oppressed with these infirmities, we must learn forbearance and sympathy with children. At such times, a judicious mother, knowing that the irritability is as much a bodily as a mental infirmity, will do all in her power to calm and soothe. She will avoid every thing calculated to jar the feelings, and will endeavor, by mild amusements or repose, to lull these feelings asleep. By this method she will save the child much unhappiness, and will promote an amiable and sweet disposition.
Probably many children have had their feelings permanently soured by utter disregard of these variations of mind. The disposition of a child is of too delicate a texture to be handled with a rough and careless grasp. Its affectionate and gentle feelings should be elicited by maternal sympathy and love. And we should endeavor to assuage its occasional irritability, by calling away the mind from objects of unpleasant excitement, and alluring it to cheering contemplations.

It is clear that there is a striking difference in the natural dispositions of children; but nothing can be more evident than that a good disposition may be soured by mismanagement—and that a child of naturally unamiable feelings may, by judicious culture, become mild and lovely.
The cultivation of the disposition is an important part of education. Hence the necessity of studying the moods and the feelings of the child, and of varying the discipline to meet these changes.
Cases will undoubtedly arise, when the parent will find it difficult to judge what is duty. Such cases will, however, be infrequent. The obvious general policy is, when a child is in this excited state, to remove him as much as possible from the power of temptation. And if he commits a fault which it is necessary to notice, let the punishment be of such a kind as is calculated to soothe him. For instance, give him a comfortable seat by the fire, and tell him that he must not leave the chair for half an hour. Place in his hand some pleasing book, or some plaything which will amuse him. In this way let the punishment be adapted to the peculiarity of the moral disorder.

This is not the mockery of punishment which it may seem. The child feels it to be real, and it is of a nature to operate beneficially. Some faults, however, he may commit, which, under the circumstances of the case, it may be inexpedient to notice. He may speak peevishly to his sister. The mother does not appear to notice it; she, however, sees the importance of immediately allaying this peevish spirit, and she endeavors to plan some amusement which will promote good humor. Perhaps she lays down her work and joins the children in their amusements, till, through her happy influence, cheerfulness and good humor are restored.

"Here, my son," perhaps she says, "I would like to have you take your slate, and sit down in your chair, and see if you can draw some animal so correctly that I can tell what it is. And Maria, you may take your slate and chair, and sit by his side, and do the same."

The children are quite animated with their new play. They are soon busily at work, and whispering together, that their mother may not hear what animals they are drawing.
By this simple artifice, the little cloud of irritated feeling which was rising, is entirely dispelled.
Had the mother, on the other hand, punished the child for the incidental peevishness of remark, the mind would not have been so speedily or so pleasantly brought into its desired state. Or, had the mother taken no notice of the occurrence, the disposition of the child would have been injured by the allowed increase of the ill-humor, and, in all probability, a quarrel might soon have ensued.

Constant watchfulness, on the part of the mother, will soon enable her to foresee many dangers, and prevent many difficulties.

Continue Chapter 2: Part Eight

THE CHRISTAIN MOTHER By John Abbot- 1833. Chapter 2: Part Four

THE CHRISTIAN MOTHER

by John Abbott, 1833, Worcester, Mass. Published by the American Tract Society

Start at Chapter One Here: The Mothers Responsibility

Chapter 2: Part Four:

The Mother's AUTHORITY

Is it said that by noticing such little things a mother must be continually finding fault? But it is not a little thing for a child to disobey a mother's commands!

This one act of disregarding authority prepares the way for another. It is the commencement of evil which must be resisted. The very first appearances of insubordination must be checked.

There are doubtless cases of trifling faults occurring, which a wise parent will judge it expedient to overlook. Children will be thoughtless and inadvertent. They will occasionally err from strict propriety, without any real intention of doing wrong. Judgment is here requisite in deciding what things must be overlooked; but we may be assured, I think, that direct and open disobedience is not, in any case, to be classed among the number of trifling faults. The eating of an apple banished our first parents from paradise. The atrocity of the offense consisted in its disobedience of a divine command.

Now, every mother has power to obtain prompt obedience—if she commences with her children when they are young. They are then entirely in her hands. All their enjoyments are at her disposal.

God has thus given her all the power she needs to govern and guide them as she pleases.

We have endeavored to show, by the preceding illustrations, that the fundamental principle of government is—when you do give a command, invariably enforce its obedience. And God has given every mother the power. He has placed in your hands a helpless babe, entirely dependent upon you; so that if it disobeys you, all you have to do is to cut off its sources of enjoyment, or inflict bodily pain, so steadily and so invariably that disobedience and suffering shall be indissolubly connected in the mind of the child.
What more power can a parent ask for than God has already given? And if we fail to use this power for the purposes for which it was bestowed, the sin is ours, and upon us and upon our children must rest the consequences.

The exercise of discipline must often be painful—but if you shrink from duty here, you expose yourself to all that sad train of woes which disobedient children leave behind them. If you cannot summon sufficient resolution to deprive of enjoyment, and inflict pain when it is necessary, then you must feel that a broken heart and an old age of sorrow will not be unmerited. And when you look upon your dissolute sons and ungrateful daughters, you must remember that the time was when you might have checked their evil propensities.

If you love 'momentary ease' better than your children's welfare and your own permanent happiness, you cannot murmur at the lot you have freely chosen. And when you meet your children at the bar of God, and they point to you and say, "It was through your neglect of duty that we are banished from heaven—and consigned to endless woe!" you must feel what no tongue can tell.

Ah! it is dreadful for a mother to trifle with duty. Eternal destinies are committed to your trust. The influence you are now exerting will go on, unchecked by the grave or the judgment, and will extend onward through those ages to which there is no end!

Continue to Chapter 2: Part Five

Are Your Children Obedient and Happy? Part 5-Disorders In Children

Are Your Children Obedient and Happy?
Part 1
Part 2

Part 3
Part 4

Oh mothers! Let us be godly and refuse the worldly perspective that is being offered by the "Experts" that claim to know the answers to our child's problems.

Let me ask you, how can they know? Who are these people that lift themselves up above the parents and claim to know better? They may be highly educated in the worldly philosophies of child psychology and development, but do they live a godly life? Do they hide the word of God in their hearts? Have they raised godly children? Are they experts in His eyes? Are they mixing the ways of the world with the precepts of the Creator, corrupting and confusing?

The sad, sad thing about this is that too many parents have abandoned their jobs as parents and have turned to pleasures and entertainment for themselves. The resulting conditions from that behavior are confused and disobedient children, many with disorders. The parents are incapable of helping them because they have abandoned them in their hearts. Since this has happened, the Community, State and Government have been obliged to step in and "help"... thus we have labels of disorders. Many are true disorders, since the child has been raised in a disorderly way. Thus the "Experts" have risen up and proclaimed to know better than the parents... in some cases they may know better, but not in a godly way.

I am alarmed at the multitude of parents who claim to be true Christians and say they know the Lord. Their children reflect the reality of what the parents truly are, revealed by their child training and lifestyle. Children mirror their parents.

Fathers and mothers who want godliness in their children, must first be godly. A godly example is vital for your children.

Let us remember that God is merciful and just, He is very compassionate to us. If we have failed in raising our children for Him, there is still hope when we seek Him and pray for mercy on our children. If your children are still young and exhibiting disorders, I would like to give you some examples of disorders and possible help for them from Scripture.

Here is an example of a disorder called:

( From: Medline Plus)...
Oppositional Defiant Disorder:

"kids misbehave some times, but behavior disorders go beyond mischief and rebellion. With behavior disorders, your child or teen has a pattern of hostile, aggressive or disruptive behaviors for more than 6 months."

Warning signs can include:

• Harming or threatening themselves, other people or pets
• Damaging or destroying property
• Lying or stealing
• Not doing well in school, skipping school
• Early smoking, drinking or drug use
• Early sexual activity
• Frequent tantrums and arguments
• Consistent hostility towards authority figures

How sad! A disorder that shows human nature unrestrained and untrained! What has happened to these children? An accurate assessment of this "Disorder" is, Leniency-- these children have had a strong will since birth and the parents have not trained nor disciplined them according to God's Word. The parents have shown great leniency to them and allowed them to: misbehave at times, harm others, damage property, lie and steal, not work, eat what they want, watch movies and T.V. that have sex and/or violent scenes, allowed arguments and tantrums, and have been a bad example of respect for authority. It is very clear in God's Word that we reap what we sow... if children are given free range to do what they feel like, it will always lead to sin and sorrow for them and their parents.

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. (Proverbs 29:15)

"Parents, in educating their children, must consider, 1. The benefit of due correction. They must not only tell their children what is good and evil, but they must chide them, and correct them too, if need be, when they either neglect that which is good or do that which is evil. If a reproof will serve without the rod, it is well, but the rod must never be used without a rational and grave reproof; and then, though it may be a present uneasiness both to the father and to the child, yet it will give wisdom. Vexatio dat intellectum - Vexation sharpens the intellect. The child will take warning, and so will get wisdom"-Matthew Henry

"but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame; a child that has the reins thrown upon his neck, is under no restraint of parents, but suffered to take his own way, is left to do his own will and pleasure; he does those things which his parents are ashamed of, one as well as another; though the mother is only mentioned, being generally most fond and indulgent, and most criminal in suffering children to have their own wills and ways; and so has the greater share in the shame that follows on such indulgences."- John Gill

"Left to himself - The condition of one who has been pampered and indulged. The mother who yields weakly is as guilty of abandoning the child she spoils, as if she cast him forth; and for her evil neglect, there shall fall upon her the righteous punishment of shame and ignominy."- Barnes

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15)

"Pro 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child.... That is, sin, the greatest of all folly; this is naturally in the heart of man; it is in the heart of a child, it is in him from his infancy; it is bound in his heart, it is rooted and riveted in him, being conceived in sin, and shaped in iniquity; it is what cleaves close to him, and he has a strong affection for and desire after: the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth (Gen_8:21); so that he is not easily brought off of sin, or becomes wise...

but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him; the rod used by parents, for the correction of sin and folly, is a means of making children wise, and of restraining the folly that is bound up in them; and of reclaiming them from those sinful ways, which the folly of their hearts leads them to, and so in some measure of driving it far from them."- John Gill


Another Disorder is:

(From:National Institute of Mental Health)...
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, OCD:


"Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, OCD, is an anxiety disorder and is characterized by recurrent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions). Repetitive behaviors such as handwashing, counting, checking, or cleaning are often performed with the hope of preventing obsessive thoughts or making them go away. Performing these so-called "rituals," however, provides only temporary relief, and not performing them markedly increases anxiety."

Signs & Symptoms:

"People with OCD may be plagued by persistent, unwelcome thoughts or images, or by the urgent need to engage in certain rituals. They may be obsessed with germs or dirt, and wash their hands over and over. They may be filled with doubt and feel the need to check things repeatedly"

How sad! What would make a child behave like that? If the child is exposed to things that are very wicked, such as immoral movies, T.V. , and books, perverted people, music of the world, witch-craft, the occult, and unrestrained play with children involved with such things... it would be of NO surprise that a child would have a disorder like this.

We as parents are responsible before God to be sure our children are not exposed to wicked things. Children have very tender minds, if they are exposed to evil things their minds are not able to bear, they will behave in extreme ways. This is a disorder that has been created by the parents or those in authority over this child.

Mothers, Fear God! ... He will hold us accountable in how we train up our children!

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

"Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go,.... As Abraham trained up his children, and those born in his house, in the way of the Lord, in the paths of justice and judgment; which are the ways in which they should go, and which will be to their profit and advantage; see Gen_14:14; and which is the duty of parents and masters in all ages, and under the present Gospel dispensation, even to bring such who are under their care in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, Eph_6:4; by praying with them and for them, by bringing them under the means of grace, the ministry of the word, by instructing them in the principles of religion, teaching them their duty to God and man, and setting them good examples of a holy life and conversation; and this is to be done according to their capacity, and as they are able to understand and receive the instructions given them: "according to the mouth of his way", as it may be literally rendered; as soon as he is able to speak or go, even from his infancy; or as children are fed by little bits, or a little at a time, as their mouths can receive it."-John Gill

Prov.22:6 ...even when he is old he will not depart from it.

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." (Deuteronomy 6:5-9)

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live sensibly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Savior Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a people for his own, zealous of good works." (Titus 2:11-14)

Dear mothers, if you teach your children diligently the way of God and the way he should go... He will not depart from it!


Another disorder is called:

(From: Children's Hospital Boston)...
Generalized Anxiety Disorder:

"The following are the most common symptoms of GAD in children and adolescents. However, each child may experience symptoms differently. Symptoms may include":

• many worries about things before they happen
• many worries about friends, school, or activities
• constant thoughts and fears about safety of self and/or safety of parents
• refusing to go to school
• frequent stomach aches, headaches, or other physical complaints
• muscle aches or tension
• sleep disturbance
• excessive worry about sleeping away from home
• clingy behavior with family members
• feeling as though there is a lump in the throat
• fatigue
• lack of concentration
• being easily startled
• irritability
• inability to relax

It is very sad indeed to be a parent of a child that won't trust you. This is learned behavior, that comes from some experience or incident that causes fear and lack of trust. It can also come from parents that are very busy, and do not take time with their children, or they keep the children too busy. Children need quiet times to think and learn, to be still. Too much business in the home can cause this disorder in children. The child that has this disorder has not been taught to trust in God, nor to turn to Him in all things. Not only does a child like this need to be taught to trust the Lord but this child needs to learn the fear of the Lord!

The fear of the LORD leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm. (Proverbs 19:23)

"Pro 19:23 The fear of the Lord leads to life,.... "Godliness", of which the fear of the Lord is a principal part, has "the promise of this life and that to come", 1Ti_4:8, the fear of God is the beginning of a spiritual life; and it leads to eternal life, as Gersom observes, and is connected with it; and he that hath it shall abide satisfied; with his lot and portion in this life; with the good things of it he has, being content therewith and "godliness with contentment is great gain", 1Ti_6:6, such a man has enough; he has all things in a spiritual sense; he is full of the blessings of goodness; he is blessed with all spiritual blessings; his mouth is satisfied, and his mind is filled with good things; and so he rests and abides night after night, and day after day; he shall not be visited with evil; nothing shall hurt him; all his afflictions, his worst things, his evil ones: work together for his good; and they shall never separate from the love of God, nor anything that befalls him in this life, Rom_8:28; see Psa_91:10."- John Gill

There are other disorders that I would like to address, and will have to do that in next post.

God bless you dear mothers that are diligently raising your children for Jesus Christ our God!

The Influence On Childen From Parents Example.

"Instruction, and advice, and commands will profit little, unless they are backed up by the pattern of your own life. Your children will never believe you are earnest, and really wish them to obey you, as long as your own actions contradict your counsel. Archbishop Tillotson made a wise remark when he said, "To give children good instruction, and a bad example, is but beckoning to them with the head to show them the way to heaven, while we take them by the hand and lead them to hell."

We little know the force and power of example. No one of us can live to himself in this world; we are always influencing those around us, in one way or another, either for good or for evil, either for God or for sin.--- They see our ways, they mark our conduct, they observe our behavior, and what they see us practice, that they may fairly suppose we think right. And never, I believe, does example tell so powerfully as it does in the case of parents and children.

Fathers and mothers, do not forget that children learn more by the eye than they do by the ear. No school will make such deep marks on the character as home. The best of schoolmasters will not imprint on their minds as much as they will pick up at your fireside. Imitation is a far stronger principle with children than memory. What they see has a much stronger effect on their minds than what they are told.

Take care, then, what you do before a child. It is a true proverb, "Who sins before a child, sins double." (OR What parents allow in moderation, children will do in excess. (added from "preachers at home") ) Strive rather to be a living epistle of Christ, such as your families can read, and that plainly too. Be an example of reverence for the Word of God, reverence in prayer, reverence for means of grace, reverence for the Lord's day.----Be an example in words, in temper, in diligence, in temperance, in faith, in charity, in kindness, in humility. Think not your children will practice what they do not see you do. You are their model picture, and they will copy what you are. Your reasoning and your lecturing, your wise commands, and your good advice; all this they may not understand, but they can understand your life.

Children are very quick observers; very quick in seeing through some kinds of hypocrisy, very quick in finding out what you really think and feel, very quick in adopting all your ways and opinions. You will often find as the father, so is the son.

Remember the word that the conqueror Ceasar always used to his soldiers in a battle. He did not say "Go forward," but "Come." So it must be with you in training your children. They will seldom learn habits which they see you despise, or walk in paths in which you do not walk yourself. He that preaches to his children what he does not practice, is working a work that never goes forward. It is like the fabled web of Penelope of old, who wove all day, and unwove all night. Even so, the parent who tries to train without setting a good example is building with one hand, and pulling down with the other."

"The Duties Of Parents" by J.C. Ryle (XIV pages 31 and 32.)